if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
