At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
