When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
tell me about the eggs
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