I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
