How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
