But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
