Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She bit a glass in half.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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