she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
