3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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