So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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