Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
