i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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