Betty ford says i'm here all night
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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