at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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