My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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