I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
