are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
