Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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