Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
