I want to walk on stilts...naked
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
