i would punch a child for taco bell
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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