I'm jealous of your bromance
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
NoShamevember. You game?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
