I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
