its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
