Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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