i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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