someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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