We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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