I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
