is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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