Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
