who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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