my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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