i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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