I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
