I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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