Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
