Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
