Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
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