so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
