Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
