have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
