omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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