I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
