my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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