I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
