I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
