Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
