I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
