I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
