Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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