you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
